Catching up With Loving Kindness and Subtle Mind : - )

Dear Friends,

I fell behind in publishing my work and ask for your forgiveness. I regret not witnessing your participation in our exercises and discussions in real time. I have not read anyone else’s posts until my work is current. Life circumstances required I rest and recharge in order to discern if I would continue the work I began on my degree. I decided to begin my recovery in my blog space !

To contrast the meditations of Loving Kindness and Subtle Mind I find I benefit more from the guided meditation on calming the mind. I do try to breathe in others suffering and breathe out healing energy as I go through my day…Many times my mind becomes pre-occupied with the suffering within and around me. I often concentrate on others to the point I forget to breathe. Calming my mind allows me to relax and to act in the best interests of those around me.

One of my cats stepped on the mouse button and paused the Subtle Mind exercise! I continued anyway. I find I am too dependent on my computer. I loaded the exercise on my Walkman to carry it with me outside!

While I achieve the calm abiding state with my  eyes closed in meditation, I struggle to maintain this clarity on some days. When I open my eyes, the visual disarray around me triggers feelings of anxiety and fear. Feeling uneasy and anxious brings another string of feelings of anger, resentment and frustration.

I direct the second string of negative emotions toward myself for: not being stronger, not being wiser or better at planning ahead. I feel angry with myself. I could not prevent my physical and mental sensitivities and failings.

By seeking to remove myself from these emotions and thought patterns, I feel a lightness of spirit. Some of the physical and emotional symptoms improve as I continue. My journey has become easier when I view the events around me with a witnessing mind. I strive eliminate the false self-judgments systematically to feel more present in daily living.